“It is ok to be sick of everything. Yes it is. There’s a difference between temporary unhappiness and getting up each day knowing that you need more and want more.”
I created this quote last night while trying to overcome a months-long writers block for a rant/philosophy type of book that I am trying to create (and this blog as well). I’m particularly proud of this quote for two reasons; it’s a good ass quote and I wrote it without thinking too much, straight from the heart. I feel and am living every word of this quote, literally and in spirit. For the last few months I have been unable to workout with the same intensity as before, my jobs (yes plural) suck, I’ve gained bad weight, my wallet is light and my living situation is not the best.
I don’t say this for pity, only to emphasize what got me to the point of writing this blog. The crappiness of the last few months has inspired to write again, and served as a reminder to not be too content into a life I really, really do not want. I do not want a normal 9-5 type job, I do not want to look or talk like the average person. I do want to make a living doing what I love which is “personal training.” I want to be able to travel, come home to peace and quiet, and make money-not to make money but to have the lifestyle I want.
Initially I decided to write this philosophy book as a type of personal therapy, as a way to share some things that I believed and was afraid to say. I’ve come to realize that the process of writing is causing me to learn more about who I need to be for myself. Something tells me that writing this book is going to be a good thing, whether it ends up selling or not. True leaders can only hide who they are for so long, but the real person is sitting inside them like a timid tiger in a toothpick cage; waiting to burst out, but afraid of being too powerful, too beautiful, ferocious, too seen.
Maybe that’s the reason why we tell ourselves that all we need a job making between 45-65k/year, a decent car, a wife and 2.3 kids. Maybe we are trying to hide and run away from who we are. There is a certain responsibility in following what which we want, and responsibility creates a level of uncertainty that leads to fear, fear leads us to doubt and doubt turns us to mice, scurrying for the closest dark hole we can hide ourselves in.
But, I can’t do this anymore, I find myself needing more. I have day dreams about traveling to random places, meeting people I never expected and seeing things I’ll never forget. I used to just chalk these up things I wanted, things I could do when I had my vacation days from work. But know I need to experience these things. That’s just who I am, like a lot of people who often find themselves wandering. It could be from relationship to relationship, city to city, job to job, crossfitter to powerlifter,vegan to omnivore to vegetarian. People will try and make you feel guilty about wanting to change or leave or find something new, but never feel ashamed to have what is the nature of a wolf. Wolves often travel dozens of miles a day in search of food, mates, water, but even when they’re in a pack, with a full belly and water by the den-they still wander. It is in their nature, they need to roam. If you need to roam or do whatever to be happy and feel complete then just go after. I plan to, and I plan to write about it.