Sometimes “You” just need to die.


I was going to name this post “I wanna kill myself,” then “sometimes I just wanna die.” But those sounded a little too suicidal, so I chose the current, still provocative, but milder title. Sometimes you and I do just need to die. What do I mean by that. Sometimes the person we’ve become, the fitness goals we’ve always wanted just need to end. Completely. There may be some rhyme and reason it to it, but sometimes we just feel like doing something different or making a 180 degree switch. It could be our instincts, or if I’m being honest, my instincts telling me this.

Some time ago I was out on a Saturday night in Williamsburg because I got tired of going to Manhattan on the weekends, and I hadn’t been to WB in a minute. So I took the subway there and I’m walking around, passing bars and people. I decided to go sit in the one the parks out there; where there are people walking by the park, bicycling, walking dogs, talking on the benches. Just a real nice, chill Saturday night vibe. And then it hit me, I was alone. Now I almost always go out alone, in fact I do everything alone, including workout. There’s a couple of reasons for this, first I tend to only have a small group of friends, most of whom live far way from NYC; two, I have a hard time making friends. I actually have a lot of frat brothers that live in NYC, but for some reason I never really seem to connect with them as far as just hanging out. I started think about a lot of things that happened between me and my friends (even the ones that live near and the ones that don’t, but visit a lot) and why they dont call, why we dont speak as much, etc. All of this sentimental type of stuff. Then I wondered why I haven’t just moved on and changed things, become more open, made new friends, etc.

I realized just this past Saturday, that I don’t know what the hell I want. I do know that I want something different from most people, which leads me to why I write this blog and  as someone who loves to workout, that was the most important moment I had in a very long time. I went to work the next Sunday feeling all open and confused, not sure if I was just tired from last night or just frustrated. I was at my old sales job, and I just did not want to be there anymore so I quit two days later.

That was the beginning of the end of my time living in NYC for the moment. And that led to a completely unexpected awakening and change in my life. A change that brought me closer to the person I need to become. But that is a story for next time..


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